i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
