6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
