Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize