beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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