Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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