so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
