I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
