so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
