I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
