Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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