Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
