I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
