Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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