Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You left your phone here
Wait...
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