So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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