I should be sponsored by Trojan
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
