please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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