Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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