Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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