I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Randomize
