Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
