when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
