I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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