If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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