I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
