Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize