um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
