she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
