I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
