i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
