actually, I'm a sock model
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize