I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
