I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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