Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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