It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
