I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
