Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
