I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just cropdusted the office
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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