Ambien. No doubt about it.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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