This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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