I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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