Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
