I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
kristin has been a bad kristin
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
