she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
