WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
