He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
