i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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