I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
