mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
