i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
