9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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