Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The power of my boobs compel you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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