Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is it because I queefed?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize