I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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