she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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