I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
