they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
