is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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