I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
