Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
