I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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