He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize