I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Semen is not good for contacts.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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