that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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