Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
