I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
