I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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