there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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