Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Two words: blizzard sex
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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