Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
